Poof, Vanished!

This weekend feels like a dream. Well, maybe not a dream per se because dreams are supposed to be beautiful even when it's unreal and lasts for what seems like 15 minutes. At the risk of sounding unappreciative, my weekend has been almost non-existent. 

First, I kept falling asleep by 10pm so I missed my favourite time of night when it's completely silent that I can hear the sound of trains in the distance and occasionally the footsteps of the neighbour's cat on the roof. I always look forward to it at the end of every week.

Second, I put off (again) my proposal and book writing. I can't do it. I can't work on weekends, it just doesn't feel right. So looks like I'll be paying for the deflection next week which is a thought enough to bring a bluer shade to the ill-fated Monday blues.

Third and fourth reasons involve a delayed garden BBQ and stomach cramps but what's the point of complaining what's done and gone?

On a lighter note, I finished Robin Sharma's The Monk who Sold his Ferrari which is not really new but his fable is classic. Ironically and funny even, it's a motivation book. 

Here's hoping a more productive week ahead and I hope you readers had a better weekend than I did. I'm leaving you with this inspiring video of Kevin Richardson, an animal behaviourist also dubbed as the lion whisperer. His work is amazing. Also, take a look at Simon King's documentary of two cheetah orphans. Simply phenomenal.

Ticking Clock Comes Full Circle

Is this stress I'm feeling?

I'm supposed to write a proposal. I don't normally work at home but I've only got two months to straighten up a lot of things so time is gold. That doesn't really make sense, does it? You can buy gold but even the world's richest man can't buy time. Well instead of working, I've been staring at the laptop clock as if watching the tiny arrow moves will somehow slow down the universal time. I need to think but the clock keeps ticking and thinking about the ticking clock makes me anxious. I feel like screaming "Stop you bloody clock! Just give me time to think!" which probably sounds familiar in a mental hospital and that scares me. Have I fallen off the track? Dang, three minutes gone writing all that.

Take a long, deep breath Izni. It's no big deal. You can do this. You have everything it takes to pull through. This is nothing compared to what most people have to endure.

Writing is really a therapy. No wonder people bare their emotions, complaints and prayers online. Until a second ago, I used to think it's silly because you don't need Facebook to talk to God. I guess sometimes you only need to put it out there to get your perspective. I'm done now. Ticking clock or not, here I go again.

Unburied Treasure

I got myself four new books to cherish. Okay, borrowed from the city library and due in a month, more like. One of them is for the husband:

He’s obsessed with The Beatles. He also thinks John Lennon looks like Ayah when they were young. I told Ayah and he laughed, it has to be a compliment right?

The main reason why I started to borrow real books again instead of the e-book version, I work all day staring at the laptop and I come home to more staring at the laptop until I hit the sack. Imagine the level of strain I’m putting on my eyes and I just turned 26 only a few days ago which by the way, hubs had a couple of surprises. The point is I still have dozens of years of eye strain, God willing (the longevity part, definitely not the latter). I also waste at least 20 minutes a day waiting for the bus. Well, 40 minutes if the ride itself is taken into account but since I can’t get through a page on a moving vehicle without a massive headache, I prefer talking to myself.

I checked out this book by Allison Pearson for myself.

I have a soft spot for career women juggling so many balls, no surprise there. I’ve recently finished Marian Keyes’s Sushi for Beginners, courtesy of Bri who had to leave behind one of her books since she had packed too many new clothes.

Of course once in a while I just have to get a disturbing book that leaves me high and dry thinking of the what ifs. I don’t really know why. I guess it’s the curiosity. This time I picked Perfect Soldiers by Terry McDermott, a reporter who covered the 9/11 tragedy.

I sort of cheated because I initially got Philipe Kerr's Hitler's Peace but it was too dull for me so I returned it after a few pages.

Finally, I’m reading a book that I can absolutely identify with: Reif Larsen's The Selected Works of T. S. Spivet. It tells of adventures of a boy who loves to draw and map his observation. One extraordinary thing about this book is that it has illustrations so to fathom the content is like going through a puzzle. Your eyes are always moving around instead of going down and down then up and down and down again for hundreds of pages.

The forecast calls for rain over the weekend so it’s just the perfect setting to bury myself in the limitless imagination.

It's Coming

I knew this feeling would come. I just didn't know that it would come this soon.

I do not want to leave Europe.

The adventure is coming to an end. We've started booking our flight tickets home. I suppose I should look forward to new adventures like starting a family, a new job or a PhD, planting flowers and vegetables, furnishing my mini library, meeting my old friends, eating out at our favourite food stalls and travelling to other parts of the world. It is what it is and with booming budget airlines, I can always come back. Sure it won't be the same but that's life, it moves on with or without you. Keep up or you'll be left behind with memories holding you back.

We're going back to two of our favourite cities; London and Paris. My little sister is coming to Europe so those cities would be the ideal starting points. We're also going to trace the beautiful scenery of the movies PS I Love You and Leap Year in Ireland, can't wait! Irish accent is too charming, I'll probably record the locals in action like what I do randomly wherever I go. The funny thing is, it feels insignificant when I'm in the middle of recording something like a street performance but watching the same recording a few months down the line, it feels so far and almost unreal.

 

Sigh, I digress.

We're going back to Hungary for my thesis defence and after a week, we'll fly to Spain for my graduation where Mama will be joining us so we're going to the Catalonian countryside before returning to Malaysia together.

And that's the end...

Say Hi to Summer

It's extremely hot right now, as you can imagine from the photo. I'm writing this from the back garden because staying inside the house is suffocating at times like this. 22 degrees may seem a luxury in my home country but here with no air-conditioner or fan in sight, it makes me miss winter. Looks like summer has arrived and she's making it perfectly clear.

Aha, four birds have just landed. They chirp merrily as if they can understand each other and now sharing funny stories about their families. The smaller birds seem like they prefer staying out of the bigger ones' way. And there are various insects flying around too. I can even hear a couple of bees buzzing from the orange flowers. They're probably trying to collect as much honey as they can to impress the queen bee.

I should go for a run this evening. I've been feeling a little sluggish. Maybe Rafiee and I should bike to the sea tomorrow and lay on the beach, probably taking a couple of good books with some snacks with us.

The birds are now flapping their wings rather angrily, fighting for the sunflower seeds the landlady left on the tree. Perhaps whenever I think the neighbourhood is getting too quiet, I should take the time to listen more closely.

The Other Malaysian Girl

I am sad. Bri is leaving. She's the Malaysian girl I met three months ago during lunch and we've had the midday meal together every single day since then until last Wednesday. She was on an assignment at the Danish headquarters and now her 90-day is up. She's flying back to Malaysia. I miss home even more now. 

I would like to wish for the time to hurry up and pass so that I don't have to go through farewells and just go home and see my loved ones again, but I wouldn't. It's true that you have to be careful with what you wish for. For all I know, I could wake up one morning in Malaysia with a hole in my heart, trying hard to remember what Europe once felt like and if the friends I made still share the same interests.

You know what Dr. Seuss said - Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. And this is me smiling as a sensible, matured and strong adult.

Bri, see you next time in Kota Kinabalu!

Time and Tide Wait for No Man

A rainy day puts a bright smile on my face. It would be more wonderful if there were thunder and lightning but thunderstorm is rare here. I used to be afraid of the thunder when I was a child. It sounded like a monster on its way to get me and it always gave me a jolt. Then my parents taught me that thunder and lightning happen at the same time but as light travels faster than sound, people see the lightning flash before they hear the thunder. So I started counting to three whenever I saw a lightning because that was how long it usually took before I could hear the roaring thunder. Even as an adult, sometimes I find myself counting when a thunderstorm hits because it calms me. Listening to the wind and trees brushing against each other only makes it better. It's like a lullaby. Too bad I'm often at work when that happens.

Hubs and I haven't travelled in a while since I started my job. Now I remember what it was like when we were both working and the weekends were spent at our parents'. I also remember my peers making a fuss over some bonus. I remember thinking that I would leave my job if someday I found myself working with only money as my motivation. It's probably a naive thought but I want to hold on to it as long as I could. I already miss the past one and a half years when I didn't have to leave the house most mornings and we travelled to almost 20 countries. The strangers we encountered and the little anecdotes when we least expected them. I suppose that's why I'm writing the book. I want to immortalise the memories I have floating in my mind before new ones slowly bury them as I age because they are simply priceless. 

Life really is a cycle, like those pollens. I miss the present. I always did and I always will.