The Best Way to My Heart

I'm in no mood for writing. The holy month of Ramadan is making me miss home even more. Friends posting happy photos of them breaking fast with a colourful variety of food day-to-day, urgh! Hands down, Malaysian dishes are simply the best in the world.

s.p.a.c.i.o.u.s p.l.a.n.e.t

e.x.t.r.a.m.s.g

c.h.o.w.t.i.m.e.s

s.e.a.s.a.l.t.w.i.t.h.f.o.o.d 

Aaaargh!

Guilt

After four years, I still find myself crying buckets over the late Smigel. She felt and understood me, like how she would start jumping all around me when I was feeling joyous or how she would come and lie down next to me when I was sick. She would keep me company when I got scared watching a horror movie in the middle of the night.

But I failed her.

She tried to communicate her pain but I took it for granted, thinking that she would be fine the next day. That night still haunts me. I opened the door to check on her before going to bed and there she was, lying breathless exactly right at that door as if she had struggled through her last breath to call me, to tell me that she was leaving forever. I still can't forgive myself. If I had been more attentive, she would probably still be alive and kicking. After that night, I've taken a number of wounded stray cats to the vet and sometimes into my home to be taken care of. It's my way of saying sorry to her. There's no price I wouldn't pay to have her back. I miss her so much. And no matter what I do, I can't shake the feeling that I let her down. I might as well have jabbed a knife into her beating heart.

Wait, I'm Coming!

Not many people love their job, do they? Or like it in the slightest. I think it’s sad, because you’ll be working for at least 30 years (God willing). I’d hate it too if I was still doing the same exact thing as I did five years ago. Say if I were a lawyer. Surely I’d always work on legal cases, that’s a given. But I’d want to tackle bigger cases like corrupted politicians…no wait, that’s a norm…alright, a murderous politician! Though I think it’s getting common too but at least it’s more significant than trying to sue a neighbour whose dog keeps barking at night under some act that I’m apparently not aware of. It’s obvious I know little about law but you get my drift.

I’ve been so lucky, I’ve always liked my work. Most of my colleagues were (and are) nice people whom I don’t mind working with again and again. I'm in a stimulating line of work that excites me on most days (come on, nothing’s perfect!). Still, there’s this nagging voice inside my head screaming “I want to taste the world!”. There are so many things I want to experience. In my previous post, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to sense my jealousy towards those who go on expeditions and worse, actually doing it for a living. *pulling my hair out*

Among others, I want to sail across the Arctic ocean and study the polar ecosystem.

i.c.e s.t.o.r.i.e.s

I want to camp in the African outback and do research on the wild habitat.

v.a.g.a.b.o.n.d q.u.e.s.t

I want to trek the Amazon and gather significant data or discover new species.

s.o.d.a.h.e.a.d

I want to climb the Alps and scream my lungs out from Mont Blanc just for fun.

d.a.n.i.e.l a.r.n.d.t

And lots more!

That’s the kind of guts I want my kids to have. Explore their potential outside the box in this tiny but magnificent God’s creation. I realize there’s a paradox there but that’s how I see the world. I see it as a small globe in my two hands, I can just pinpoint anywhere I want to go and do whatever I want to (well, provided I have the money of course) but the abundance of knowledge is overwhelming. The whole week I was seriously considering the National Geographic's Young Explorers grant but I still couldn’t work out the right proposal. Most, if not all expeditions are bloody expensive which is understandable but it still frustrates me. I wonder why those millionaires spend their money partying. What a stupid waste. To each his own eh?

Maybe my time is yet to come. Maybe I still have more things to learn before embarking upon such huge feats. Maybe if I took my chance so early in my life, I would be killed in a freak encounter with some rhinos or frozen to death underneath a giant iceberg trying to chase a bearded seal. God has a reason for everything.

But I know one thing for sure.

All the little steps I’m taking lead me towards it and I will never lose sight of that big picture.

Expedition please!

e.a.w.a.g

d.i.v.e e.x.p.e.d.i.t.i.o.n

A Swiss research institute, Eawag, which happens to be one of the world's leading aquatic research institutes, is having a few positions for PhD students this year and they're most likely to go on expeditions for their research. *grumble*

Confessions

You know how our neighbourhood is relatively safe so there's no lock and we always let the window open because it's summer? Last night around 1am I heard something like someone walking in the garden so naturally I couldn't sleep until the crack of dawn. I was half expecting a pair of red eyes lurking behind the window blind. Being a good wifey, I didn't wake hubby up (thought I held his hand all night) just in case I was imagining things because well, sometimes I'm weird that way. Turned out there was a plastic bag in the garden. Yup, the joke was on me. I got spooked by a mere plastic bag.

Anyway, I have some confessions to make just for fun.

b.u.z.z.l.e c.o.m

• I don’t like pink, shopping, make-up, jewellery, handbag and all that jazz. I don’t mind people who like them though, I’m just not interested. So whenever some girls excitedly tell me there are sales somewhere or ask me out to a warehouse sale, I always ask where and then forget it immediately because well, I don’t care.
• I think high-heel is another means of torture, a long-term one. I don’t like buying shoes, it takes too much time. I have a really nice pair of leather boots and that was a birthday gift from the husband. Then we have the rugged hiking boots which hubby had to talk me into getting them for weeks. I did buy a cute pair of Crocs sandals on my own initiative but that was really because of the massive buildup. I honestly don’t get why something looks like rubber can be so expensive.
• I don’t really fancy coffee but it sounds so grown-up so I always have only a quarter of coffee with a lot of milk but now that I'm basically allergic to coffee, I'm starting to drink only milk with my coffee cup at work. 

There, it feels good!

Oh, my elderflower juice was a success and it tasted like summer. No other way to describe it, will post photos on my Facebook soon...after some canoeing and eagle-hunting tomorrow. *wink*

Sunday No Love

So turned out it wasn't totally a lazy weekend, I did go out and get some elderflowers to make the cordial. Let's see in five days if it's at least edible. The weather has been scorching hot but right now at 6.30pm, it actually looks like there's going to be a storm. No wonder weather is a popular topic around here, it keeps changing like Britney and her panties! Does she have it on, does she not? Okay, outdated joke. Bear with me, it's Monday tomorrow but the World Cup final is tonight so I'll probably have to go to bed later than I usually do and the thought of not getting enough sleep makes me grumpy. Coffee will not help anymore, I'm sort of allergic to it after the nasty headache a couple of weeks ago. I really love World Cup but I've had enough with people's posts about who's winning and who's not as well as Paul the Octopus hype. They get redundant after five minutes and it's not like those who don't know the result are actually interested in the game and those who do most likely did watch the game anyway. Oh, and I have to write a complaint e-mail to our Newcastle property agent. He verbally agreed to pay the bank surcharge with the deposit refund but he didn't. I'm easily pissed off by people who do not follow through on their words but I always wait for a few days before saying something so that I'm not clouded by emotion.

d.e.s.k.t.o.p r.a.t.i.n.g

Unfortunately for them, it's still pretty cloudy over here.

La la Land

I started my Saturday morning when I heard hubby trying to get the camera. He loves taking photos of me when I'm asleep but I'm a light sleeper so he doesn't get the chance that often. I got up around 9.30am only because hubby was pulling my blanket off the bed just so he could do the laundry. I had a video call with my family for over an hour while having a fat egg banjo and a steaming cup of roiboos tea with honey. It was my parents' birthdays last week and I had a carrot walnut cake delivered with some roses. I wish I could have the cake though. It's going to be a lazy weekend, I can feel it in my bones. No work at all, not even going out and feeling the sea breeze. I'm just going to stay inside with a nice book and have one whole cake with sparkling juice. 

Oh I just love this song. It reminds me of well, what else....my la la land!