Be Yourself

The title sounds like a Nike advertisement or something, but anyway.

It started to snow two nights ago and alas, the cold days are here. It's wonderfully amazing how you can stand outside with everything white on the ground beneath your feet and you look up to a dark sky. Scary even. It feels like doomsday is near. I wonder if everyone else thinks the same. Hubs often looks at me and asks, "What's in that big head of yours now?" because I think too much (and also because I have a big head) and it's entertaining to him because he gets his kicks by guessing what I'm thinking of. He's wrong 90% of the time but he perseveres.

Right now I'm thinking about the sexual harassment that happened a couple of days ago. I was alone, getting something from the market. A teenage girl came to me, offering me her cigarette. I said no twice and then she smiled and planted a wet kiss on my cheek. I said thank you because I'm Malaysian and we're naturally polite. The tram arrived and I hopped on a different compartment once she got in because there was no way I would be stuck with a stranger who enjoyed touching and kissing me, no matter how cute. Just when I thought I was safe, she came looking for me in the crowded tram and said something in Hungarian and kissed me again! She even got off at the same station as I did and tried to follow me but it's a good thing I was wearing black (everyone here seems to wear black) so I lost her in the crowd. When I stopped to think about it, it sort of gave me a weird aftertaste. I was quite not sure whether to laugh or cry but I decided to laugh. It was a pretty interesting experience. I suppose that's another day in Europe.

So okay, you know how books you read can tell what kind of person you are? I used to think that this 2-year opportunity has broadened my horizon like never before and that I've changed. But the truth is, it has always been me. I picked up books by Indian and Chinese authors revealing the small details of reality in their countries and their hardships, I read travel books with a sense of humour injected to them, I found world news exciting, I didn't find typical chick flicks appealing and all this happened even before I had the chance to live abroad.  I know it's a long road ahead and anything can happen, but this is a damn good start.

I remember back when I was younger, most of my peers looked at me differently. It was almost as if I was an alien and I felt like one of those green creatures (assuming aliens are green). I knew I was different in so many ways but they all made me feel like it was a disease. I just couldn't see things the way they did, hence I did things my own way. I refused to conform and it disgusted me how those people just followed the crowd even when they believed something else. I had rough years and at one point, I thought everyone was right and that I was the one who needed to be fixed. But there was one eccentric lecturer in our department who pointed to me that I was indeed different but in a really, really good way. Coming from a jaded man who thought that people in the country were all typical and identical, he showed me how ridiculous it was to be afraid of being myself. I was 21 and yes, it took so many years to be proud to be myself. Such is life.

No man is an island but the location makes a difference so choose the people you surround with carefully. Negative people will only obstruct you. Don't give them the satisfaction!