Spring Didn't Start Pretty

Spring is here so even though it’s still cold and windy, looking at the glistening sun brings me back to Malaysia and immediately I’m being reminded by the smiles and laughter of everyone I know, having delightful Malay meals together and going anywhere and feeling that this…is…home. I would miss Europe definitely for it has broadened my horizon and enriched my life, but I certainly can’t wait to see my family and old friends again and to eat everything that I’ve missed for the past couple of years. What can I say, Malaysians and food are synonyms and I’m a fine example.

When you’re in a foreign country, your senses are heightened. You miss more, you love more, you hate more and you compare more. I can’t put into words exactly why but yesterday was an awful day for me and I haven’t felt like that in ages – the kind of feeling you get when you’re too angry to cry and you feel like screaming and then leaving everything behind, going to an island with people who actually care about you. It’s the same selfish feeling that you have when nothing else matters but this thing bringing you down.

You know how some things (well lots of things) are not within your control, but sometimes things as petty as having someone not following through with their words can drive you up the wall and you start to wonder why, oh why, are the same species of human beings can have a totally different attitude. It puzzles me how some people can be effortlessly polite and some are downright %&#$!

It ruined the rest of my Wednesday. It was like a blurry memory. You know it happened but your mind keeps blocking your brain from accessing the data because they’re too bloody %&#$! Too bad I have to be cryptic with my words. Long gone are the days when you were merely children and everything you said was cute. Adults are not allowed to be truthful without making some enemies. Isn’t that funny? We’re all afraid of some degree of truth that we even have a defence mechanism to protect how we feel. Some may know it as ego.

Alas, we all know life moves on and so I’m going to start today with a high dose of energy, perseverance and strength. No one can hurt you unless you let them.